A letter to her

Hi,
There are some things are better expressed face to face, but since you want to know them beforehand, i will try to explain them on email.

I am not sure if you are actually aware of a this feeling or not, but when a human being is living in an illusion for a very long time and all of a sudden that illusion gets shattered, it's painful. The intensity of pain can only be felt not expressed in words.

I was living in the illusion that Computer Securities is the only thing which i am good at. I am very bad in EE. I am very bad in any other field. But this was the only thing which i loved, i studied, i knew.

After giving the exam of Security Engineering, my illusion got crushed. As if, someone has taken everything from me. I was left with nothing at all.

But it's ok. May be that was really an illusion. Illusions are meant to be broken one day. Mine is also broken. Atleast, now i will never think of Securities again.

The thing which i wanted to talk about is, was i really "that" bad that i deserved to be failed? I know Proff. was kind enough to pass me. But please recall how was i passed? I entered in the room. Proff. began with the words, "I am sorry, you are failed, you know nothing...." and then a huge list of things came up which as per his standards i had no clue. Then all of a sudden 'Needham-Schroeder' (which was explained in writing on piece of paper) came up... then he said, "Oh no no.. you know this...", then he looked at you. You scribbled 4.0 on paper and he agreed on that. And that's how i passed.

You know, when i entered in the room to listen my result, i kept thinking for 1 long minute, that Proff. is joking with me. The next sentence he will say will be, "Oh! i was joking... don't worry you are pass". But that never came up.

Anyways, i will not waste your time anymore with my nonsense.

Best Regards,
Shubhmoy

Can engineers be 'Touchy feely'?

-an article written by Chetan Bhagat

I remember the incident - I was in a restaurant, and one girl in our group was especially charming. So I, like any other male, tried to put on a wooing act. You know the routine, a nanosecond extra eye contact, a few more nods to whatever she says, and attempts to throw in those one-liners which you know you wouldn’t if she weren’t there. And it seemed to be working. She leaned forward when she spoke to me, and every now and again, we’d have a small conversation of our own, separate from our group. She laughed at my approach with the fork and knife, and I teased her about her hair band, which had little teddy bears.

Yes, we were flirting. A while later, she asked me the question - what did I study? I said engineering, without any particular meaning attached to it. And then like a cold metal rail, she went stiff. My jokes weren’t funny any more. Her eyes wandered to everyone else.

What was it?
Why? Why? Why?
Two days later, I still couldn’t get over my great start that had dissipated listlessly upon mentioning my education. Engineer? What was wrong with that?

My mom had wanted me to become one since I was five! I had to call her. ‘So what happened to you that day, hot and cold, missie?’ And then she said, trying to be nice, ‘Well, it’s just that I am skeptical about engineers as friends. I don’t know, they can be, you know, very logical and everything…not very touchy feely’.

Not touchy-feely. Now what the heck did that mean? Well, she obviously did not mean it literally, since girls don’t really suggest that sort of stuff, certainly not in the first meeting across the table. I guessed it was something to do with feelings, sort of having an emotional side. The stereotype being, the nerdy guy who sees relationships like laws of physics, to whom love is just a bunch of chemicals going crazy in your brain, and getting to know a person means obtaining their bio-data.

It’s time to set the record straight. It’s true that a lot of what engineers study (and they end up studying quite a lot), has to do with formulaes, laws and numbers. No matter how hard we try, some of the vocabulary we read all day gets into our language. So when my mother said, ‘Are you getting married next year or not?’ I was liable to say, ‘Well, at this moment in time, the probability is relatively low,’ and felt it was completely normal to say it. And when my sister went sari shopping and couldn’t explain the shade she wanted, I told the shopkeeper the percentages of pink, orange and red in the sari.

Yet, ladies, I don’t think we’re bad at relationships, love and getting to know people. We too, can be touchy-feely, as that is part of our education as well. The reason for this is that most engineering students live in the ultimate educator - boy’s hostels.

Now, let me explain how this plays into this ‘touchy-feely’ thing. Relationships. Imagine eating, sleeping, brushing your teeth, bathing (ok rarely this one) and partying with the same people all the time. So, when you are kicking that bathroom door down for the tenth time, or when you stand in line for ‘gulab-jamuns’ in the mess, and when you are done with the vodka bottle and sharing all your secrets, you know it is good practice. Yes, hostels maketh the man.

So, next time you are in a flirtatious situation with the techno types, go on, flirt a bit more. Of course, I am biased towards my kind, but if you find the conversation turning too geeky, just ask them, ‘So, what were your hostel days like?’ and chances are, you’ll see a heart behind the calculator.

Coming back to my missie, I thought of what would make me win her over. Flowers… too cheesy. Music… don’t know her taste (nor trust mine). Teddy bears… don’t even go there. Desperate for some good lines, I just turned it right back at her. ‘Yes, I know what you are saying about engineers. The thing is, unless people with depth like you start hanging out with us, we won’t get any better. Can you meet me some time for some touchy/feely… oops, I mean coffee/tea?’

She giggled. When they giggle,you have won.

Hence proved.

Delayed Dreams

19 years back... the day of Diwali.

Lucknow.

“Aaj chotu ne gubbare ke liye zidd ki, aur main use dila nahi paya...” (today, chhotu was crying for a balloon, but i could not afford to buy for him)

papa was saying to Mummy in balcony after dinner in our single room house...

i was unhappy with papa because i did not get the balloon. My Papa never brings anything for us whenever he comes home from office. Rachna Didi’s papa got a doll for her, chiku’s papa got a toy car for him, they also burn lots of crackers on Diwali, but we do not get anything...

i did not care... and slept after crying.




9 years back... the day of Diwali.

Faridabad.

“No my Son, that is not a good one, i will bring a bigger one for you from Delhi...” i saw a father, unsuccessfully, trying to convince his son for not buying a balloon, for which he was crying. I could see the pain in the eyes of father. That reminded me of 10 years old similar incident...

I can never forget that...




Today, a week before Holi.

Kaiserslautern.

“Your father has bought Water Guns worth Rs. 400 for Mannu... see, this one is even bigger than Mannu...” Mummy was telling me during our Video Chat over skype. That again reminded me of that 19 years old incident, but this time in a different way.

Papa also could never forget that...

He was sitting next to mummy, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, smile on his face... now he could afford to realize his parental dreams on his grandson, which he could not do for his own kids...

Memoirs of Indian Freedom Struggle

On Independence Day, I was browsing through a news site and came across snapshot of a 64 years old very interesting poster. That was the time around India was fighting for its freedom. On further looking around i found a few more of them... they are really interesting and i had never seen such kind of posters before... so just wanted to share with you all...

Political Elephants
As partition looms, illustrator EH Shepard (of Winnie the Pooh fame) depicts the mainly Hindu Congress organization and the Muslim League as two elephants ignoring each other in a 1946 cartoon for Punch. All images courtesy of the British Library.

Political Boycott
This 1928 poster condemns the Simon Commission sent by London to look at India's future because it had no Indian members.

Made in India
From the 1920s, Congress advocated the boycotting of British goods and the embrace of swadeshi - the promotion of Indian products and traditional technologies.

Paths to Freedom
This Congress poster depicts India as an old man having to choose from three paths: co-operation with the imperial government, violence and peaceful non-cooperation.

Serene Defiance
This poster shows non-cooperating Indians sitting in a tree as a soldier tries to shake them out and Mahatma Gandhi sits by serenely.

Path towards Mastery

To follow the path:
look to the master,
follow the master,
walk with the master,
see through the master,
become the master.

~Zen

Being 'Chahoo'

There are some feelings in life which can not be expressed in words. I am writing this post with one such feeling… i don’t know how to express this feeling but it’s like over flowing out of me… and trust me I need to take it out to remain normal.

The feeling is some what mixture of happiness, emotions, responsibility, energy, love, care, devotion, etc. etc. etc.

I have become “chahoo”, Bhai has become father…

Every time I see his innocent face I fill with strong urge to give him something, rather everything, everything in the world of his choice…

He is now 3 days old now, but it’s difficult for me to decide which day among these 3 days is the happiest day of my life. The day 1, when he came to this world or day 2 when he tried to hold my finger or today when he came home from hospital.

I have not taken him in my hands yet, I am scared that my hands may hurt my most auspicious and beautiful possession…

Priceless Words...

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,
"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy!!!