A letter to her

Hi,
There are some things are better expressed face to face, but since you want to know them beforehand, i will try to explain them on email.

I am not sure if you are actually aware of a this feeling or not, but when a human being is living in an illusion for a very long time and all of a sudden that illusion gets shattered, it's painful. The intensity of pain can only be felt not expressed in words.

I was living in the illusion that Computer Securities is the only thing which i am good at. I am very bad in EE. I am very bad in any other field. But this was the only thing which i loved, i studied, i knew.

After giving the exam of Security Engineering, my illusion got crushed. As if, someone has taken everything from me. I was left with nothing at all.

But it's ok. May be that was really an illusion. Illusions are meant to be broken one day. Mine is also broken. Atleast, now i will never think of Securities again.

The thing which i wanted to talk about is, was i really "that" bad that i deserved to be failed? I know Proff. was kind enough to pass me. But please recall how was i passed? I entered in the room. Proff. began with the words, "I am sorry, you are failed, you know nothing...." and then a huge list of things came up which as per his standards i had no clue. Then all of a sudden 'Needham-Schroeder' (which was explained in writing on piece of paper) came up... then he said, "Oh no no.. you know this...", then he looked at you. You scribbled 4.0 on paper and he agreed on that. And that's how i passed.

You know, when i entered in the room to listen my result, i kept thinking for 1 long minute, that Proff. is joking with me. The next sentence he will say will be, "Oh! i was joking... don't worry you are pass". But that never came up.

Anyways, i will not waste your time anymore with my nonsense.

Best Regards,
Shubhmoy