Someday...

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me,
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me,

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Bird fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can't I
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh why can't I?

Why do the relations fall apart?

May be the title of this posting is not very appropriate. Then, why didn't i change it? Let's see why!

The title suggests one more analysis of relationships and their falling apart. But actually, there might be a million reasons for a relation to fall apart. Obviously, no writer has enough ink in his/her pen to write all them down. These analysis are always subjective. From a particular point of view. I am trying to present one such point of view here.

When two people, come together, get into a relationship, both the partners have an image of a person they are looking in their other partner. This leads to expectations, to be precise, unbalanced mutual expectations. Now, here is the problem. Having mutual expectations is not a problem but imbalance is a problem. And severity of the problem is directly proportional to the heights of expectations. The higher expectations we have, more imbalanced they are...

So, you see the key is, trying to keep expectations lower. Trying to accept the person as he or she is... trying to respect the other persons identity rather than changing it as per our idea of perfect partner...

Think about it...

Tere utaare huye din - By Gulzar Saab

Tere utaare hue din
tange hain lawn mein ab tak
na wo purane hue hain
na un ka rang utra…
Kahin se koi bhi seewan abhi nahi udhri

Ilaaichi ke bahut paas rakhe pathar per
zara si jaldi sarak aaya karti hai chhaon
zara sa aur ghana ho gaya hai wo pauda
main thora thora woh gamla hatata rehta hoon
fakira ab bhi wahin meri coffee deta hai

Gilehrion ko bula ker khilata hoon biscuit
Gilehrian mujhe shaq ki nazar se dekhti hain
wo tere haathon ka mus jaanti hongi….

kabhi kabhi jab utarti hai cheel shaam ki chat se
thaki thaki si zara deir lawn mein ruk ker
safaid aur ghulabi muswande ke paudon mein ghulne lagti hai
ke jaise barf ka tukra pighalta jaye whisky mein

main scarf din ka gale se utaar deta hoon
tere utaare hue din pehan ke ab bhi main
teri mehak mein kai roz kaat deta hoon

Tere utaare hue din
tange hain lawn mein ab tak

Wrong Prefession

I heard it somewhere, "When you are not able to handle the stress in the work you are doing, then you are in wrong profession..." how true is that...
Why is it so difficult to see such simple facts of life, especially when they are right in front of us... perhaps the problems or stress related to that work keep us so involved that we don't think or see any thing else.

A letter to her

Hi,
There are some things are better expressed face to face, but since you want to know them beforehand, i will try to explain them on email.

I am not sure if you are actually aware of a this feeling or not, but when a human being is living in an illusion for a very long time and all of a sudden that illusion gets shattered, it's painful. The intensity of pain can only be felt not expressed in words.

I was living in the illusion that Computer Securities is the only thing which i am good at. I am very bad in EE. I am very bad in any other field. But this was the only thing which i loved, i studied, i knew.

After giving the exam of Security Engineering, my illusion got crushed. As if, someone has taken everything from me. I was left with nothing at all.

But it's ok. May be that was really an illusion. Illusions are meant to be broken one day. Mine is also broken. Atleast, now i will never think of Securities again.

The thing which i wanted to talk about is, was i really "that" bad that i deserved to be failed? I know Proff. was kind enough to pass me. But please recall how was i passed? I entered in the room. Proff. began with the words, "I am sorry, you are failed, you know nothing...." and then a huge list of things came up which as per his standards i had no clue. Then all of a sudden 'Needham-Schroeder' (which was explained in writing on piece of paper) came up... then he said, "Oh no no.. you know this...", then he looked at you. You scribbled 4.0 on paper and he agreed on that. And that's how i passed.

You know, when i entered in the room to listen my result, i kept thinking for 1 long minute, that Proff. is joking with me. The next sentence he will say will be, "Oh! i was joking... don't worry you are pass". But that never came up.

Anyways, i will not waste your time anymore with my nonsense.

Best Regards,
Shubhmoy

Can engineers be 'Touchy feely'?

-an article written by Chetan Bhagat

I remember the incident - I was in a restaurant, and one girl in our group was especially charming. So I, like any other male, tried to put on a wooing act. You know the routine, a nanosecond extra eye contact, a few more nods to whatever she says, and attempts to throw in those one-liners which you know you wouldn’t if she weren’t there. And it seemed to be working. She leaned forward when she spoke to me, and every now and again, we’d have a small conversation of our own, separate from our group. She laughed at my approach with the fork and knife, and I teased her about her hair band, which had little teddy bears.

Yes, we were flirting. A while later, she asked me the question - what did I study? I said engineering, without any particular meaning attached to it. And then like a cold metal rail, she went stiff. My jokes weren’t funny any more. Her eyes wandered to everyone else.

What was it?
Why? Why? Why?
Two days later, I still couldn’t get over my great start that had dissipated listlessly upon mentioning my education. Engineer? What was wrong with that?

My mom had wanted me to become one since I was five! I had to call her. ‘So what happened to you that day, hot and cold, missie?’ And then she said, trying to be nice, ‘Well, it’s just that I am skeptical about engineers as friends. I don’t know, they can be, you know, very logical and everything…not very touchy feely’.

Not touchy-feely. Now what the heck did that mean? Well, she obviously did not mean it literally, since girls don’t really suggest that sort of stuff, certainly not in the first meeting across the table. I guessed it was something to do with feelings, sort of having an emotional side. The stereotype being, the nerdy guy who sees relationships like laws of physics, to whom love is just a bunch of chemicals going crazy in your brain, and getting to know a person means obtaining their bio-data.

It’s time to set the record straight. It’s true that a lot of what engineers study (and they end up studying quite a lot), has to do with formulaes, laws and numbers. No matter how hard we try, some of the vocabulary we read all day gets into our language. So when my mother said, ‘Are you getting married next year or not?’ I was liable to say, ‘Well, at this moment in time, the probability is relatively low,’ and felt it was completely normal to say it. And when my sister went sari shopping and couldn’t explain the shade she wanted, I told the shopkeeper the percentages of pink, orange and red in the sari.

Yet, ladies, I don’t think we’re bad at relationships, love and getting to know people. We too, can be touchy-feely, as that is part of our education as well. The reason for this is that most engineering students live in the ultimate educator - boy’s hostels.

Now, let me explain how this plays into this ‘touchy-feely’ thing. Relationships. Imagine eating, sleeping, brushing your teeth, bathing (ok rarely this one) and partying with the same people all the time. So, when you are kicking that bathroom door down for the tenth time, or when you stand in line for ‘gulab-jamuns’ in the mess, and when you are done with the vodka bottle and sharing all your secrets, you know it is good practice. Yes, hostels maketh the man.

So, next time you are in a flirtatious situation with the techno types, go on, flirt a bit more. Of course, I am biased towards my kind, but if you find the conversation turning too geeky, just ask them, ‘So, what were your hostel days like?’ and chances are, you’ll see a heart behind the calculator.

Coming back to my missie, I thought of what would make me win her over. Flowers… too cheesy. Music… don’t know her taste (nor trust mine). Teddy bears… don’t even go there. Desperate for some good lines, I just turned it right back at her. ‘Yes, I know what you are saying about engineers. The thing is, unless people with depth like you start hanging out with us, we won’t get any better. Can you meet me some time for some touchy/feely… oops, I mean coffee/tea?’

She giggled. When they giggle,you have won.

Hence proved.

Delayed Dreams

19 years back... the day of Diwali.

Lucknow.

“Aaj chotu ne gubbare ke liye zidd ki, aur main use dila nahi paya...” (today, chhotu was crying for a balloon, but i could not afford to buy for him)

papa was saying to Mummy in balcony after dinner in our single room house...

i was unhappy with papa because i did not get the balloon. My Papa never brings anything for us whenever he comes home from office. Rachna Didi’s papa got a doll for her, chiku’s papa got a toy car for him, they also burn lots of crackers on Diwali, but we do not get anything...

i did not care... and slept after crying.




9 years back... the day of Diwali.

Faridabad.

“No my Son, that is not a good one, i will bring a bigger one for you from Delhi...” i saw a father, unsuccessfully, trying to convince his son for not buying a balloon, for which he was crying. I could see the pain in the eyes of father. That reminded me of 10 years old similar incident...

I can never forget that...




Today, a week before Holi.

Kaiserslautern.

“Your father has bought Water Guns worth Rs. 400 for Mannu... see, this one is even bigger than Mannu...” Mummy was telling me during our Video Chat over skype. That again reminded me of that 19 years old incident, but this time in a different way.

Papa also could never forget that...

He was sitting next to mummy, I could see the satisfaction in his eyes, smile on his face... now he could afford to realize his parental dreams on his grandson, which he could not do for his own kids...